Motherhood & Postpartum

Hello friends,
I have been missing my creative outlet here in my little space on the internet. So much life has happened since I was actively blogging. A few bullet points for ya... Brady and I relocated, became homeowners, husband and wife, and parents. I will try my best to fill you in on our world these past few years in my upcoming posts. Today, I want to talk about me and my latest journey, motherhood.

I have been surrounded by babies and family my entire life. So much so that I was the go to babysitter and advice giver. I was the trusted one in my giant family who watched every one's tiny babies and kids. Growing up this way gave me my love for children. I knew that I wanted to be a mother very early on in life. Brady and I cultivated our relationship, established ourselves the best we knew how, and then started planning for the future of our family.  Along came our angel baby, Emory.

I thought I knew what it would be like to have children because I knew how to love and nurture children. I knew that my world would be forever changed and I would never be the same again. To  say those words and to really understand what they mean are two very different things. I look at this beautiful baby boy and I cannot fathom what I ever did to deserve the love and adoration he has when he looks at me. They don't tell you about that part. I am his comfort. I am his food. I am his lifeline. Best of all, I am his favorite person in the entire world. He too is my comfort and my favorite thing in the world. 

Being a mother is everything I thought it would be yet it is nothing like I thought it would be. Some mornings before I roll out of bed, I think of all of my blessings; so many I could burst. Then there are mornings when my to do list stacks up in my brain and I am overwhelmed before I even leave the bed. Some days I feel like my old organized self again, accomplishing everything I set out to do with my day. Then there are other days where I can't finish a single task to completion and I find myself in pajamas at 2 pm. I want so much to show my appreciation with special words and special personalized gifts to all of those who have sent us their love. Unfortunately, I cannot find where my time runs off to... I read the sweetest text messages and then the baby cries and I tend to his needs and lose myself in our interactions and then the day is over and messages forgotten. I savor every day and every moment I have with this sweet baby. I go to bed so drained yet so full.  After consulting with my fellow mothers, this is what it means to be a parent. To love your child fiercely and to always find yourself wanting to do more without the time. Got it, I guess I am doing this parenting thing right. 

I have seen that postpartum transition with a few of my friends and family members. Some spoke openly about it and others handled it within their own home with their own family. For me, I want to talk about it. I want to share my experiences with it because I am so curious about it.

I had the best pregnancy despite the normal pregnancy discomforts and back pain. I was in the shape of my life when I got pregnant and was able to continue a pretty bad ass work out up until I was about 8 months pregnant. I had the natural birth I dreamt of and have been breast feeding successfully for 4 months now. Overall, my health is excellent and my postpartum transition has been pretty mild compared to others. The first week after Emory's birth was a high. I might even say the first month... I was able to walk slowly and actually breathe again two hours after delivering my baby. I never knew that growing a baby and producing so much additional blood literally took your breath away. To breathe in full capacity is a beautiful thing. I was winded for weeks post delivery due to all that room I regained in my diaphragm. After about a week and a half, those hormones came crashing and I would catch myself staring out, sad for no reason. On those blue days, I needed more hugs and reassurance from Brady. Even today, I am easily overwhelmed and struggle with anxiety, something I never dealt with before. I knew those early days just as I know now that I am doing my best and we're all doing great.

 I had my heart set on that 6 week check up to get the okay to work out again. I knew that I would feel like myself again. After getting the okay from the doctor, I quickly realized that this tired mama cannot get up and get exercising before 9 am like she used to. I am a runner and have slowly eased backed into training. Baby loves riding in his stroller as I push him. It is a slow and painful way back. Some days (usually on well rested nights) I manage a good workout and I always feel that I am at my best. Most days however, we stay on the couch drinking coffee; the sweet nectar of the gods until 11 am. We wake and change the diaper, nurse, eat breakfast, cuddle, play, change diaper, fold the 3,756 loads of laundry required with an infant in cloth diapers, nurse, pump, cuddle, change diaper, play, hug the love deprived animals, read our library books, wash the bottomless sink full of dishes, change diaper, play, change mommy's clothes when baby soils them, attempt to respond to said text messages, clean the house, prep the dinner situation if I am feeling it, shower, then Mommy goes to work while Daddy has baby time. Some days are low and others like today, I am feeling great and like my pre- baby self. (Shout out to my husband for taking baby duty and letting me sleep an extra two hours.) One thing is for sure though, all days are cherished.The days are long but the years are short. I had a baby and I blinked and it is four months later. I waited my whole life to become a mother to this special boy and it almost seems unfair that he is growing so fast. I am pretty sure that is motherhood too. It's amazing to know the me I have always been yet feel like a whole new person because I have had the privileged of becoming a mother. There is more love in my life than ever and I live for this family that we have created. 

So, there it is. My first few months of motherhood and my first real blog in over a year. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope I don't feel all weird and anxious about posting such a personal piece of myself. That postpartum anxiety is strong some days. Thank you for reading and thank you for all of the love you have shown my family. We truly appreciate it, even if we forget the thank you cards and the responses. We love you and we are thinking of you always!


-Erin

Photos by Stellar Exposures